Beginner’s Guide to Kink

May 6, 2022 12:00 am Published by Leave your thoughts

If you are curious about adding spice to your relationship but unsure where to begin, this beginners guide to kinks will offer titillating ideas. Start with kinks for beginners — advanced kink is best reserved for after you’ve gotten comfortable playing at the edge. 

A Note on Safety 

Kink requires communication, honesty, and safety considerations. You can explore R.A.C.K. and S.S.C. — two safety models developed by the community. They essentially mean any kink you play with should be understood and agreed upon before play begins, and you should know the risks and plan for them. 

Safe words are among your safety tools. A commonly used set is red, yellow, and green. Like a stoplight, red means stop, yellow means slow, green means go. Safe words offer an easy way to check in while learning comfort levels. 

Dirty Talk 

Dirty talk is a great place to start exploring kink. Whisper filthy things to your lover as foreplay, send lascivious messages, and tell them all the dark thoughts rolling around in your head. What fires you both up offers a roadmap for later exploration. 

Power Exchange

Dominance and submission (D/s) is a form of power exchange, where one partner takes on the role of the rule and consequence giver, and the other obeys (or doesn’t) and faces the outcomes of their behavior. D/s can be complex or as simple as answering questions with a ‘Yes, Sir,’ or ‘Yes, Ma’am.’ 


Roleplay is a chance to explore the filthy ideas generated through dirty talk and can incorporate D/s and other forms of kink or stand on its own merits. Explore both darker and more playful sides of your imagination. It can include everything from CNC — consensual nonconsent to pet play as a kitten or puppy. Common themes include naughty student, corrupt cop, kidnapping, and more. Roleplay is limited only by your imagination. 


Spanking can add plenty of spice to your relationship, whether it’s ‘OTK’ (over the knee), bent over a desk, or on all fours. Aim for the padded areas on the rump and upper thighs. Avoid striking over bony parts. The sweet spot is the curve where the thigh meets the rear end. 

Light Bondage

Shibari is not a beginner’s kink. It requires a deep understanding of anatomy and physics to do it safely. Poor knowledge of rope bondage can result in serious harm. You can, however, engage in light bondage with low risk. Leather cuffs or Velcro cuffs are a great starting point. Avoid handcuffs and tight ties. Your bound lover should be supported and not hanging from bondage points until you have more experience. 

The Wrap Up

Aftercare is an essential aspect of kinky play. Even for light scenes, it’s useful, even vital, to cuddle up and discuss what happened. Make sure both parties know what went well and what didn’t. Offer reassurances and take care of physical needs. Proper aftercare will help you grow as partners within your kinks safely to continue to build on your fun. 

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