Spanking is a core BDSM skill, and not just because it’s the first ‘toy’ in anyone’s tool chest. Hands are tactile and effective at delivering a range of sensations, from the sublime to the sadistic. Spanking can be a sizzling warm-up before using other implements of pain delivery or the whole show. Since it’s relatively low risk, it’s a great place to start when looking for sadistic erotic play ideas.
Communication Is Divine
Before any kinky ideas for the bedroom become reality, take time to sit down with your partner and discuss your desires, fears, and limitations. Establish a safe word that allows the submissive to call a safe stop to activities. Discuss whether bruising is desired beforehand.
After the scene is over, once everyone has returned to earth, reassurance is always valuable — both for the spanker and the spankee. Discuss what worked, what was more challenging than expected, and what you’d like to do more of in the future. Good communication is an essential kinky tool.
OTK, Bottoms Up, or Bend Over?
Proper positioning improves the spanking experience. The spankee’s posterior should be presented in a way that allows for the spanker to easily deliver blows while avoiding a wayward kicking leg. The classic over-the-knee (OTK) spanking is a good starting point. The bottom on offer moves between the top’s thighs and bends over the opposite knee from the spanker’s dominant hand. This allows the spanker to keep them well in place with their free hand pressed against the small of the back while their legs lock the bottom in place.
Other positions that work well include being bent over a sturdy bit of furniture or the classic face-down-ass-up positioning. Once you feel comfortable, explore different positions. Restraints can add an intoxicating touch.
What To Do With Your Hands
Whether you are flat-palmed or cupped, fingers slightly spread or tight together, or swatting with the back of the hand, most of the time your aim will not be for a full-throttle paddling. Allow the fingers to just strike and disrupt the follow-through to prevent injury to the muscle tissue below. While you are newer to the art of spanking, restrict your strikes to the bottom and meaty tops of the thighs.
Build up to heavier strikes; starting with softer blows allows your willing bottom to adapt to the experience. Explore rhythm, though choose your music wisely! Some songs may distract your submissive from the delights of spanking. Vary the pace and intensity of your strikes. Intersperse sadism with sensuality. Gently stroke your bottom, trace your fingernails lightly over marks, and delight in heightened sensation. As they write in the kinky classic Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, “You can hold a whole conversation between palm and fanny. Strive to expand your vocabulary.”
Aftercare Is Required
Aftercare is an essential part of kinky play. Whether you are cuddlers or not, the top should provide hydration and snacks, a soft, safe space to decompress in, and reassurance. After a particularly intense session, ice packs can be applied to the posterior to help ease lingering soreness. Once everyone has returned to earth, talk about what worked and what was lacking. Feedback improves the experience for both parties over time.
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