5 Signs of Bad Submissives

What’s the sign of a bad submissive? When you practice BDSM, “bad” could mean anything from “naughty and must be punished” to “unhealthy and dysfunctional.” In relationships where there’s a heavy dominant/submissive component, it’s important that you take the power exchange into account.

Some BDSM submissive behaviors are bad in the unhealthy way, and should be avoided. Here are five signs that your submissive is bad:

• Bad communication skills: Communication is the hallmark of any BDSM relationship. If you aren’t able to express your desires and set limits, neither of you will get what you need out of the relationship. If your submissive is unable to tell you what they want, how they want it, why and what their limits are, you won’t be able to meet their needs. In turn, the dom’s needs can’t be met, either.
• Lack of boundaries: Boundaries are important in all relationships, and especially when you practice BDSM. Healthy boundaries include what you are and aren’t willing to try, where your hard limits are, what constitutes a “soft” limit and setting a safe word. If your sub refuses to tell you what they want, you can’t divine their needs. Similarly, if you have certain boundaries, you should be able to communicate them without hurting their feelings.
• Your needs aren’t getting met: Getting your needs met as a dom doesn’t mean taking what you want without permission. Even power exchange relationships require care, communication and respect. If you feel like your needs aren’t being met—whether it’s a certain sex act or the communication is poor—that’s a sure sign that you have an unhealthy submissive. Your partner should understand that you have other life concerns, like school, work, family and other issues. They should not expect you to be “on” 24/7, especially when you communicate that you’re not in the mood.
• Emotionally manipulative behavior: If your submissive doesn’t take “no” for an answer, that’s a sign of emotional manipulation. You are entitled to have your own boundaries and limits. Being a dom doesn’t mean you’ll want to be in charge all the time, nor does it mean that any sex act is acceptable. If your sub tries to convince you or cajole you into trying something you’re not comfortable with, you are more than entitled to end the relationship.
• Failure to research safety: BDSM is an emotionally and physically vulnerable practice, which means you need to research your kinks and follow basic safety practices. That could mean anything from setting a safe word to keeping a pair of scissors nearby to cut through restraints. If your submissive refuses to research or practice BDSM safely, then they’re not a good match for you.

Bad submissives do exist in BDSM. However, with good communication, boundaries and respect, you should be able to find a balance that works for you both. Keep these factors in mind next time you’re negotiating a scene.

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Categorised in: BDSM

This post was written by Writer