BDSM 101: Figuring Out, and Communicating, What You’re Into

June 24, 2021 2:43 am Published by Leave your thoughts

So, you think BDSM looks interesting, but you’re not quite sure where to start. Before you go out and purchase a full PVC catsuit and an array of whips and restraints, read on—figuring out how you want to approach BDSM is different for everyone, and it’s always best to start slow. In fact, if you already have a partner, communication is one of the most important parts of the relationship. (If you think it’s embarrassing to talk about your kinks, just imagine how awkward it would be if your partner caned you without warning.)

Here’s how to figure out and communicate what you’re into.

What do you like about the idea of BDSM?

One of the first things you’ll need to consider is what you like about the idea of BDSM. You might have thought 50 Shades of Grey was hot, or you’ve seen some pornography that made you think, “You know, I’d really like to be tied up sometime.” It doesn’t matter what has intrigued you so much as why you find it interesting.

For example, some people might think that it seems intriguing to be “helpless” and let their partner do whatever they want to them—but when it comes right down to brass tacks, they have trouble letting go of control, even if there’s a safe word in place. That’s why you should start with what you think you’ll like—then you can start researching, communicating and experimenting. The better you understand what you want, the better you’ll be able to communicate it to your partner.

What do you like about actual BDSM practices?

Next, do some actual research into BDSM practices. Keep in mind that media portrayals are often very different than what really goes on in a BDSM relationship. It might sound fun to keep your six-inch heel on your partner’s back as they clean the floors with a toothbrush, but your feet will probably hurt after 10 minutes and scrubbing linoleum takes forever. Luckily, you don’t have to have all the answers right away.

Reading articles about BDSM from “real” people is just as important as finding out what titillates you. When you find something interesting, like impact play or becoming a dom/domme, research it online to get a better picture of how it might play out in real life—and what you like about it.

What does your partner think?

Finally, it’s time to communicate with your partner. It will probably feel awkward at first, but communication is the key to a successful BDSM relationship. Let them know about things you’d like to try, determine what kind of boundaries you’d want to set (ask what they need, too) and ask if they’d be willing to try it, too. Expect to start slow: handcuffs here, a spanking there. You can work up to the “big stuff” later.

If you’re interested in a quiet, private place to figure out and explore your BDSM fantasies, book some time at the Monterey Stay and Play today.

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