Beginner to BDSM? Here’s What You Need to Know

August 18, 2020 10:14 pm Published by Leave your thoughts

Does the idea of BDSM intrigue you? Given the success of wildly popular franchises like 50 Shades of Grey, it seems that we’re finally ready to acknowledge that sex can be a little racier than standard-issue vanilla practices. (Not that there’s anything wrong with enjoying vanilla, of course.)

Trying BDSM for the first time can be awkward, nerve-racking and even goofy at first. However, with good communication and strong boundaries, you might find that you enjoy the darker side of sex. Here is our beginner’s guide to BDSM:

  • Research beforehand: BDSM doesn’t have to involve pouring hot wax on your partner’s body or whipping them until they cry. On the contrary, it can be as simple as using restraints and blindfolds to foster a sense of submission. When done properly between two (or more) consenting, respectful partners, the submissive partner always has the option to stop whatever is happening with a single word. We suggest researching BDSM practices and specific kinks to find out more about what you’d like to explore—it’ll be the most fun you’ve ever had researching.
  • Know what you want—and what you don’t: As you research the different types of BDSM, you and your partner will naturally find things you want to try, as well as things that get a full-throated “no way” from either or both of you. It’s important that you’re honest about what you’d like to try. Consider making a “yes, no, maybe” list to compare. Save the “maybe” practices for later, when you’re more comfortable.
  • Communication is key: The importance of open and honest communication can’t be understated—even when it’s awkward, you need to be able to talk about your preferences with your partner, and feel comfortable that they’ll respect your boundaries.
  • Have a safe word: Establish a safe word well before the clothing comes off—and make sure both of you understand that saying the safe word means that everything stops immediately.
  • Go shopping together: When you’re ready to take the plunge, try going shopping together (in the pandemic era, that might mean simply browsing online sex shops and lingerie companies) for toys and clothing.
  • Take it slow: There is always going to be a moment of weirdness when you’re trying out BDSM for the first time. Don’t go into the session expecting that it will look and feel like a scene from an arthouse film, or that your partner will surely be able to take an hour-long caning session. You might start off with restraints one time, and move on to impact play another—don’t try to cram everything in all at once.
  • Don’t forget the importance of aftercare: Finally, make sure to make time for aftercare, which can be anything from cuddling to discussing how the two of you felt during the session. It helps lessen the intense emotions and sensations.

If these BDSM tips have been helpful, book a stay at the Monterey Stay and Play to explore your fantasies further. We’re taking all the appropriate precautions during the pandemic to ensure your stay is safe and enjoyable!

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