How to Introduce BDSM to Your Partner

November 7, 2020 5:02 am Published by Leave your thoughts

Have you been thinking about introducing your partner to BDSM? Whatever inspired you, this can be a anxious conversation to have. If you two didn’t meet within the BDSM community in Salinas, CA, there’s a chance your partner might not be open to exploring. For many people, broaching the topic is awkward, embarrassing and scary—but it doesn’t have to be. Here’s a brief guide to introducing BDSM into the relationship.

Communication and consent are key

If you’re in a relationship, the two of you should already be fairly open to communicating. Of course, if you’re trying to tell your partner you like kinky, potentially taboo sexual acts, that’s a little harder than telling them they need to take the garbage out. The same principles apply, however.

To get the discussion started, experts suggest that you say something like, “Hey, I’d like to try a few new things in the bedroom, if you’re up for it.” If your partner is open, they’ll probably ask you what you had in mind, and you can go from there.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that BDSM requires a lot of communication. Before you start getting down to business, you need to discuss—in detail—what you want to do, what you don’t want to do and what you’re unsure about. Talk about what you want to be called and which words or names creep you out. Discuss where you want it to happen, when and what you want to wear. You may also want to talk about your anxieties and insecurities, and how the two of you will address them if they come up during play.

The reason for such extensive communication is because of BDSM’s intensity. Often, one partner will submit to the other. There might be impact play, restraints or other kink practices involved. Unless you can totally trust each other, at least one partner may suffer.

Develop a safe word

Next, establish a safe word with your partner. It should be a word or phrase that you would never say during sex, like “dumpling” or “trickle-down economics.” If one partner says it, all proceedings need to stop immediately. Even if you’re in the middle of something that’s really doing it for you, your partner’s trust depends on knowing you’ll stop.

Start slow

After you have communication going, the next best advice you can follow is to take it slow. There’s no need to learn shibari or try flogging on your first time out. Discuss one or two things to try each time, see how you like them, then debrief (verbally, this time) after the scene is over. As long as both of you enjoyed what you did, you can continue adding more ideas and fantasies into the mix.

When you want a private, safe introduction to BDSM in Salinas, CA, take your partner to the Monterey Stay & Play. It’s the perfect setting to explore your newfound interests together safely.

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