The Basics of Using Safe Words

January 23, 2021 4:22 am Published by Leave your thoughts

One of the reasons BDSM can be great for relationships is that it fosters a lot of trust. Often, one partner takes on a submissive role, which means they have to trust that their partner will respect their boundaries, even if the partner disagrees or wants to keep going. That’s where safe words come in. Here’s why safe words are so important when you’re exploring BDSM.

What is a safe word?

A safe word is a mutually-agreed-upon word or phrase that, if spoken, indicates that all activity has to stop immediately. Even if something feels really great, or you’re close to finishing, the safe word is a sign that the other person isn’t comfortable with what’s happening. Both dominant and submissive partners should have a safe word, and share it with each other before any activity begins.

Safe words are important because of BDSM’s inherent intensity. Any time you’re trying restraints, impact play, humiliation or other kinks that involve power and pain, you need to trust that everything will stop when you’re uncomfortable. Your physical, emotional and mental health are impacted by BDSM practices, so protecting your body and spirit is key.

The best part about BDSM is that when you use safe words and respect each other’s desires, it can nurture a new sense of closeness and intimacy. Trust is the foundation for a successful scene.

How to use safe words when you’re new to BDSM

If you’re getting ready to try BDSM practices, it’s time for a conversation between you and your partner. The first thing to do is let them know you’re interested in taking your kink level up a notch. For a lot of first-time couples, this can be an awkward and embarrassing experience. What if they think you’re weird? What if they’re turned off? On the other hand, you can’t have a fun, safe BDSM experience without communication, so it’s necessary.

Once you have established that you’re both interested in giving BDSM a try, you’ll need to come up with a safe word. A good safe word is a word or phrase that you wouldn’t normally say during sex, such as “Funko Pop collection” or “paperback edition.” Words like “stop” or “no” don’t work, especially if you’re experimenting with restraints or consensual non-consent—those might be things you’d say in that scene. If you need safe word ideas, flip through a dictionary and pick a random word off the page.

You may choose one word for both of you, or choose separate ones. Whatever you decide, make sure that both of you know what the word is and what your expectations are when someone says theirs. That is, everything has to stop right away, no questions asked. Only then will you be able to trust that it’s safe to surrender your power or agency to the other person.

When you’re ready to start experimenting, book a stay at the Monterey Stay and Play. Our private bed and bondage hotel is the perfect place to explore your new kink.

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