The Psychology of BDSM: What Draws People to Kink?

December 15, 2021 11:59 pm Published by Leave your thoughts

Why do people like BDSM? Whether you’re an avid fan or just intrigued by the possibilities, there are a lot of theories floating around. Some people worry that because their sex lives are anything but vanilla, there’s something “wrong” with them. Thankfully, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

The psychology behind BDSM might surprise you, especially if your main introduction was 50 Shades of Grey, or you grew up believing that liking non-vanilla sex was a sign of childhood trauma.

Psychologists believe that anywhere from 2 to upwards of 60 percent of people enjoy at least some BDSM practices, to some extent or another. As the stigma around BDSM fades, more people may be willing to honestly self-report. In the meantime, here are some clues as to why people like BDSM.

There’s nothing wrong with you

Sigmund Freud might have believed that BDSM was a sign of psychological disorders, but modern research indicates otherwise. According to Psychology Today, BDSM practitioners experience lower incidences of “depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), psychological sadism, psychological masochism, borderline pathology, and paranoia. (They showed equal levels of obsessive-compulsive disorder and higher levels of dissociation and narcissism.)”

Obviously, not everyone who practices BDSM is completely emotionally healthy. In fact, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) still lists potential diagnoses of sexual sadism disorder and sexual masochism disorder. However, such a diagnosis now requires that the interests or activities cause “clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning,” or that the urges be acted upon with a non-consenting partner. Consensual, non-distressing BDSM activities between consenting adults no longer qualify.

In other words, as long as you participate with a consenting adult partner, and take appropriate precautions (like safe words), you can rest assured there’s nothing wrong with you for liking these kinks.

Decrease in psychological stress levels

One reason people might like BDSM is that it lowers psychological stress levels, even as it raises physiological stress levels. Participants may enter “altered states of consciousness,” where they’re less self-conscious, more peaceful, less focused on space and time distortions and more focused on what they’re doing. The specific altered states depend on whether someone is a top or bottom, or which role they’re playing if they’re a switch.

Personal motivations

Of course, there are always personal motivations for liking BDSM: some people are just “born that way,” having grown up with inexplicable fantasies of being tied up or blindfolded. Others might crave punishment from a loving partner because they associate it with structure and discipline. These motivations are not as fully explored as the psychological disorders mentioned above—they require people to self-report, which can still be stigmatizing, especially if you live in a sexually conservative area. And yes, while there are people who enjoy BDSM after having suffered physical or sexual abuse, that’s certainly not a given.

Ultimately, the psychology behind BDSM reassures us of one thing: as long as you’re both (or all) consenting and informed adults, it doesn’t matter why you like it.

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