What to Know About BDSM as a Beginner

BDSM can be a fun part of your sex life—or the entirety of it—but starting out as a beginner can be intimidating. Before you set up historical-grade stocks in your living room, you should take some time to learn more about the core values, safety practices and, most importantly, what you actually like. Here’s what you should know about BDSM when you’re a beginner.

Communication is key

One of the core tenets of BDSM is communication—which can be awkward when you have to say things like, “I’d like to wear a furry tail attached to an anal plug, honey—is that okay with you?” You might be tempted to just bring out the handcuffs and canes without talking about it first, but that’s a big no-no. Communication is the key to a successful BDSM experience or relationship.

One way to get comfortable with communication is to watch or read erotic BDSM-centric media with your partner, then ask if there was anything they liked, disliked or think they might want to try. The last thing you want is to traumatize or physically injure your partner, so you’ll need to have some potentially vulnerable conversations. (To that end, it’s always best when you dip your toe in with a trusted partner.)

Safety first

Next, you need to consider safety. One of the biggest core values in BDSM are that it’s “safe, sane and consensual” (SSC) even if you’re “good, giving and game” (GGG). That means that you need to figure out a safe word before you ever get naked—pick something that you wouldn’t normally say in a sexual situation, like “public school” or “global warming.” When your partner says the safe word, all activity needs to stop immediately. The submissive partner can safely and consensually give up control knowing that uttering the safe word will stop anything that really isn’t doing it for them.

In addition to safe words and discussing scenes before you begin, you also need to talk about specific practices, pain levels, humiliation and any other kinks you’d like to explore. You might think it’d be hot to wrap your partner up in an adult diaper, but if they’re not into it, that’s ultimately not going to be a fun experience for either of you. Make sure you understand both soft and hard limits: what you’re hesitant about but willing to try versus what you’re absolutely against doing.

Do your research

Finally, make sure you do your research—that could mean watching adult media or reading articles online, joining kink forums or employing another method. Understanding what real BDSM practitioners enjoy and how they handle issues of consent is the key to ensuring a safe, sane and consensual experience for everyone involved.

Remember, there’s no shame in starting slow. A spanking here and an interesting costume there can lead your relationship down unexpected and stimulating paths over time.

To explore your BDSM fantasies in a safe environment, book a visit at the Monterey Stay and Play today.

Categorised in: BDSM

This post was written by Writer