A Guide to Being a Submissive

November 11, 2021 9:56 pm Published by Leave your thoughts

Whether you’ve already dipped your toes (or other body parts) into the world of BDSM, or you’ve always wanted to try it, there’s plenty to learn. Even the most ardent practitioners are always learning or trying something new. The first thing to decide is whether you’d prefer to be dominant or submissive. Here’s our guide to being a sub—try these tips to find out if being submissive is right for you.

Why do people choose submission?

There are dozens of reasons someone might choose to be a sub. The idea of giving up control in a “safe” environment is appealing to many people. The definition of a sub is someone who voluntarily consents to giving up control, whether they want to be used or simply wish to serve another.

Submissive partners do not necessarily need to give up control in all areas of life. Many people in the BDSM lifestyle do not practice BDSM around the clock—but some couples do. When you’re deciding whether to become a sub, you’ll need to set boundaries with your dominant partner (aka “dom”). Do you want to make this part of your entire waking life, or do you want to reserve it for the bedroom only? It’s up to you. There’s no wrong answer.

What a sub isn’t

Being a submissive does not mean you consent to being used, abused or degraded, unless you have specifically consented to those acts. Before you start a “scene,” make sure you’ve negotiated boundaries with your dom ahead of time. There are many unethical BDSM practitioners who forgo informed consent—this is a red flag.

A good dom will make the submissive feel like they’re honored, even during the filthiest of sex acts. Always establish a safe word ahead of time. If you become uncomfortable, remember that the sub is the partner in control. When you utter the safe word, all activity has to stop immediately. If for some reason it doesn’t, you will know that’s a red flag.

What to try

If you’re deciding whether the role of submissive is right for you, have your partner start out with a few tasks or commands. Perhaps they’ll pick what you wear each day, or require you to “check in” for certain everyday tasks. In the bedroom, you can start slowly with restraints, impact play or other “requests.” The best way to find out what you like is to get in there and try it—and since you’ll have a safe word and great boundaries, this is a low-stakes way to figure it out.

Remember that there are no universal rules to being a sub—let alone a one-size-fits-all guide to submission. As long as your partner respects you, and you’re prepared to walk away if boundaries are violated, you’ll be in a position for some good dirty fun.

Want to live out your fantasies in a made-for-BDSM getaway? Book your stay at the Monterey Stay and Play today. Our BDSM room and board setup is the perfect way to explore your kinks.

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