How to Resolve Conflict in a D/s Relationship

September 2, 2021 1:31 am Published by Leave your thoughts

Everyone fights, even when you love each other. When you’re in a D/s relationship, however, the dynamics may be unlike those of “typical” relationships you’ve experienced in the past. For most D/s partnerships, the key to resolving the conflict will be to step outside your BDSM roles in order to address the issue. Once things are resolved, you can return to your roles and your regular sex life. Here’s how to resolve conflicts in BDSM relationships, so you can get back to the fun stuff:

  • Take a time out: When you’re in the heat of the moment, it’s all too easy to say things you don’t mean. Eventually, if you want to have a productive discussion, you’re going to need to take a time out. This disrupts the argument so you can take some time to think about what was said, what you need and how you want to fully resolve the issue.
  • Find a way to release the anger: Before you go back to the drawing board alongside your partner, however, you should find a way to release any anger, stress, tension or sadness that may still be lingering. You might do this through creative pursuits, like journaling, writing, drawing, painting or making music. Other people might prefer to work their feelings out at the gym—there’s nothing like punching an innocent punching bag to help vent that anger. At the very least, go on a long walk. All of these activities can help you resolve the physical and mental energy that just got stirred up.
  • Reconnect as a couple: Finally, when you’ve taken time and worked on releasing lingering emotions, it’s time to reconnect as a couple. You will probably want to discuss any remaining problems and decide on a solution together. Then spend some quality time outside your roles, whether that’s with make-up sex, watching Netflix or going on a hike—whatever makes the two of you feel closer together.

How to return to your respective roles

After conflict is resolved, it’s time to return to your respective roles—but if you’re having trouble separating your sex life or lifestyle from the fact that your partner refuses to do the dishes, it can be difficult. Maybe you don’t want to submit to someone who never takes out the trash, or you don’t feel sexy commanding someone who never takes the initiative on anything.

If you find that you’re having difficulty returning to your D/s roles, take that as a sign that you need to do some more processing. You might want to revisit the conflict resolution suggestions, then come back to the D/s lifestyle at a later point. For some couples, counseling can help them come to terms with lingering resentment and issues.

When you’re ready to reconnect after resolving conflict in your D/s relationship, book a stay at the Monterey Stay & Play. Our private, kinky erotic hotel is the perfect setting to reignite the relationship. Reach out today to learn more and plan your visit!

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